Baking with a Twist…

After spending half a life time cooking ‘Mum-meals’ for my family of four, I came upon the realisation last year that I had lost all interest in the food that I was making. The bolognese, the Shepherd’s pies, the chicken curries, even the fajitas which had started out as so fun and fresh, had become just another part of our daily routine: uninteresting, dull and predictable. I’d managed to bore myself into feeling nothing about my food and my life had become pitifully routine. Every part of my diet, from my morning cereal to my lifeless dinners felt more boring than the next.

Of course, the old adage goes that ‘only boring people get bored’. It was true. I’d become a boring person, frozen with ennui and incapable of doing anything about it. That was until I discovered something under my bed…

My first sex toy came into my possession at a bridal shower. We were playing a simple game of pass-the-parcel and I dimly remember feeling like I wanted to be somewhere else, then the parcel stopped with me and I unwrapped the final piece of paper to discover a jet black butt plug. The shock of something so lewd being in my hands took me out of my reverie. We all had a good laugh at the time, but as soon as I got home I slipped the toy under my bed and forgot all about it.

It wasn’t until over a year later that I bumped into my forgotten prize whilst vacuuming. I pulled out the offending article and spent a good few minutes staring at the toy before making a snap decision to find some moisturiser. The kids were out of the house, I’d be home alone for the next 6 hours and all I had ahead of me was a day of housework, surely this would make my day a bit more interesting?

As strange as it may sound, that afternoon happened to be one of the most creative days I’ve spent in the home. With my new friend inside me, I found that I was revitalised. The rest of the vacuuming whizzed by and I soon found myself proudly walking off to the shops for a thrilling weekly shop. Although I’d only intended on picking up the usual suspects, I found that I was now tempted by new products and even dip my toes in baking something special for my husband…


My Perfectly Sinful Victoria Sponge

For many people a Victoria Sponge is the most British of all cakes.

When I use the word ‘British’ in this instance, I refer to the stiff-collared, starchy Victorian stereotype of sexually repressed British types who nervously avert their eyes from strangers’ gazes, whilst desperately wishing to be liberated from their prisons of respectability.

‘All this psychoanalysis from just a simple cake?’

Yes, it might seem that I’m reading a little too much into the behaviour profile of these food stuffs, but has it ever occurred to you what the food you eat really says about you?

Still, there’s no reason for a food stuff to hold onto its staid reputation, just because that’s the way that it’s always been. That was the thought that was going through my head as I tenderly tiptoed my way through the supermarket, picking ingredients of the shelf for my very first baking creation: a saucy take on a Victoria Sponge that would make the Queen herself blush.

Although my recipe for this Victoria Sponge is pretty much exactly the same as the ‘classic’ one, my recommendation for a saucy twist is to slip your favourite toy inside yourself before you begin and take your time baking. Don’t forget that this is your time, so enjoy it!


For the cake: For the filling:
200g soft, unsalted butter
200g caster sugar
4 beaten eggs
200g sifted self-raising flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 tbsp milk
100g soft, unsalted butter
140g sifted icing sugar
170g quality strawberry jam
icing sugar to dust


Pre-heat your oven to 190c/Fan 170c/gas mark 5, then lube up your 20cm sandwich tins with butter and line with grease-proof paper.

In a large bowl, beat together 200g soft butter with your caster sugar and then slowly add in your eggs, followed by the self-raising flour, baking powder and milk. Beat well until you have a smooth batter.

Divide this mixture between your greased tins and level out the surface with a spatula.

Pop your cakes into the oven and bake for 20 minutes until golden. Once baked, pop them out on a cooling rack to cool completely.

Whilst your cakes are cooling, make your filling by beating 100g soft butter until creamy, then slowly add in your icing sugar.

Spread the butter cream over the bottom of one sponge, top this with jam and the place your second cake on top.

Finish by dusting the cake with a little icing sugar and then share with your loved ones!